Anchor me to the ground

ON my way to the moon from the depths of the sea

So digging in my old hard drive and I found this one from August of 2009. It’s got a lot of emotion in and behind it. That is to say that this day was a very very strange one. I’m not really ready to go into that but I may at another time.

Instead I’m just going to share it here. It’s from a Moon viewing party. A friend who I have lost touch with took me and took some fun photos while we were on the Nasa campus at Moffett Field.

While this is not one of the most sexy ones it’s a fun one. The sloppy hair was intentional. Since I was a geek girl we thought the anchor was kinda a funny.

The point was this was the core me… carefully balanced and hanging on for dear life with a smile. Navigating the web as a GEEK GIRL..

Such A long time ago and I’ve changed and tried to reinvent myself so many times… but the truth of the twisted reality is this is still the core of who I am.

I’m still the avant garde, glasses wearing, blonde geek girl. I think it’s time to embrace that part of myself more and bring it backout.

A Brief glimpse into the original Invited Intrusion visual project

Digging and finding files stashed on hard-drives, the cloud, usb sticks and the like. These images are from a project that I thought I’d lost the original files to. While I am the subject matter of some not all of this project are of myself.. there’s some pretty amazing files I have and will share with you at a later date. For now I felt like sharing these ones. I still have the written prose/stories that goes with each..but these are some of the personas that I was and explored in as around mid to late 2000. I was exploring the ideas of “masks, alternate personalities and personas” All of these are parts of a whole but when you pull then apart they are each unique and fully formed representations. You have to really look beyond the surface of the images as there’s subtle things layered and blended in…all these subtle and not so subtle images and the emotions they evoke make up the overall image but the moment you take off one layer the image will change. Now with the idea of NFT’s I’m wondering if I should “re-publish” this collection… and sale myself into the digital nether world.. hmm.. something to to stop and think about. I need more info on nft’s and I have to really decide if I’m willing to sale myself… For now I’m sharing thes… I reserve all copy rights so please don’t steal my work.

Origins of the Geek gril uncovered

Before I was a postmodern tease, I was just a geek girl

So I’m still uncovering things… the progress is slow as I have to carefully monitor my time and assess the emotions that are brought up as I pour over these images, music, musings, and written documentary of traumatic events during that time period.

I was pleasantly surprised to unearth this picture. This is the 16 year old me. This was my freshman year of highschool. The funny things is I can remember that exact day.. I can tell you where I was sitting and who took the picture and what’s in my hand/lap. It’s very strange to have such memory/emotional recall…. and that’s something that I’ve realized that I ‘ve had all my life. It’s a stem of the symentesia of sorts… and a part of why for so long I was full of chaos, swirling emotions, disjointed thoughts.

For now I think I’m going to withhold the back story of this picture. Instead I’m just going to publish it here for myself. I’m going to enjoy the pure joy radiating off my face and not go down to the deeper rabbit hole from this particular day…. I know cryptic as you the reader has no idea of what I’m talking about.. but again this is my adventure not yours. SO, for my own self sanity… I’m going to publish this and perhaps I’ll touch down on it another day.. fo right now I’m just going to enjoy the happiness and remember what my real life avatar was before I because the person that I am in the here and now.

Trading on your super waif

You’re so loretta young silks, fashioning your self escape
You’re so loretta young silks, trading on your super waif
All style before content, using me as bait
You’re so loretta young silks, swapping your love for hate

The story behind her eyes

Worn thin lost in a haze. Hazy shadow lingering around like a ghost.

Just a darksparkle orbiting in the sky.
A shell, a ghost lost in the machine along the data stream.

Another Girl lost.
Lost in translation.
Take the words from her mouth.

Twist and turn they’ve got her crawling on the ground.

She wants to break the surface and taste the air in her lungs.
Just like a phoenix rising from ashes she starts another day in a cycle bound by their tethers deep in her soul.

She’s just prey to the hunters and traders. Behind their scope her images they snap and steal.

Hidden away left to be cataloged and banked in their secret data vault.

Each time they take another bits of her soul, leaving her traded like currency.

She’s a sacrifice for the masses.
They’ve broken her down into tiny little bits of data.

Each time they take and she looses little bits of herself on the data stream.

Everyone wants their pound of flesh.
A feast for the masses.
They take their fill and discard the shell on the floor.

She’s just running on fumes.
Empty and alone just a ghost of her formerself lost in the machine.

Tattered and torn, crumpled like torn fabric
Fabric of the web straddling the abyss.

In the darkness she sits balancing her black & white hat crooked hat.
They’ve made sure to have her breathe the gaslight fumes.

She surrenders to the monkey pulling on her strings.
She’s got scissors in her coat.
She’s got to be careful not to run or she’ll get cut up.

Watch the blood fall down, as they take another slice to add to their database of her soul.

I’m amazed she still functions at all
Truly amazed she still feels anything at all.
She’s got Half a life left and no one to call friend.