The intruder in my life

I am an intruder in my own life.

The writer and the archaeologist.

Digging in and discecting the clues that I left for myself

Unbenonst to my self as I was falling , spiriling down out of controll for some reason I was documenting.

Witing my story for my self later to have a conversation with myself.

Skin,paper, sonic, visuals, harmonic… I used all to talk to myself.

The emotions tucked into each… I’m still unearthing levels and layers of each…. The emotions and fears, hopes and joys that the peson that I was then documented.

Taking the pesron that I am now and trying to draw the lines between the two…

How did I get from the one chaotic persona to this calma and compatmentalized person that I am, in my day to day life now.

Both are still who I am, and still inside me.

Thoughts swirling blending but I’m here observing.

Something I’ve started doing again that I haven’t done in a while is Swaying as I write. It’s actually intresting to watch.. I didn’t realize I would do it until oh so many years ago… a friend recoreded me whoile I was sitting in a coffee shop working on my then poetry Book that I published and then pulled.

As I’ve mentioned I “feel music” not like I just bop along to it but I EMOTIONALLY feel it.. music and espically a good violin can make me weep without my consent.

I would guess that the rocking of my body would make sencse and I tie the beat of the music along with my thoughts and the words as I tie.. I think that is serves as a middle to the action.. music in my eas via the headphones and hte rocking helps to ground me me tie the theoughst back as my body types them back out. I think it’s a form of “stimm” like a sensory seeking peron needs a fidget to keep them focused I thing I do that with the foot tapping and body swaying.

Someone one told me I should try drumming.. but nope.. it doesn’t work unless I’m typing and I have music that I can express with my typings/swaying. HA!

Well I’ve gone off on a complete tangent here….I thik it’s time to wrap this up and get some laundry started. Real off line life beckons. Catch ya later!

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